Rejection Collection

I was rejected by McSweeney's, again. But I don't let this get me down. I've learned that in order to be successful, you have to learn to deal with failure. Persistence is key. Here are some statistics that you may find intriguing:

1. The Diary of Anne Frank was rejected by 15 publishers.
2. Lord of the Flies was rejected by 20 publishers.
3. Stephen Kings Carrie was rejected by 30 publishers.
4. Jack London's first story received 600 rejection slips.
5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was rejected by dozens of publishers. The only reason it was picked up by Bloomsbury is because the CEO's granddaughter begged him to do so.

So in the interest of good humor, I've decided to post my rejected submissions to McSweeney's "Lists" section. And here the are:

Thrilling Documentary Titles that Cleverly Disguise Their Boring Subject Matter

1. Dye Hard with a Vengeance: How to Dye Your Fabrics without Getting Blown to Smithereens 
2. The WWF: The Wonderful World of Fungi! 
3. Let's Go to the Post Office!
4. Lethal Tampon 3:  Avoiding Endometriosis
5. Pill Bill, Volume 2- Healthcare Reform, or Here come the Bribes
6. Crouching Carpetbagger, Riding Wagon: The Midwest Migration
7. How Astrology can KILL YOU!!  But probably won't….
8. Putting the RAP in ScRAPbooking
9. A Time to Quilt
10. The Hot, Steamy, Sensuous, Exciting, and Thrilling Sport of Golf

Lies "Insert Name Here" Told You

1. A degree in liberal arts will help provide for your future. - Guidance Counselor
2. It is wise to put money in your 401k. - Accountant
3. "Synecdoche, New York" is a great movie. - Roger Ebert
4. Democracy is a political government carried out either directly by the people (direct democracy) or by means of elected representatives of the people (Representative democracy). - Wikipedia
5. That halter top looks great on you. - Sales Clerk at Dress Barn
6. I will remember you. - Sarah McLachlan
7. You will never amount to anything. Just kidding! You see kids, that is what we call "reverse psychology". - Psych Professor
8. Free Masons DON'T run the country. - Shifty-Eyed Government Agent
9. You could win money instantly! - Pepsi, Coke, Snapple
10. I love you. - Elmo, Ex, Mother

 

How to Deal with Humans

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