Breast Cancer Slacktivism

Another instance of Facebook slacktivism has been circulating. This one involves another extremely ambiguous meme that has the covert purpose of raising awareness of breast cancer. It involves posting a fruit name in your status that is a code for your relationship status (e.g., Blueberry=single). This is somehow supposed to raise awareness of breast cancer. In my experience, the best way to make people aware of breast cancer is to...make people aware of breast cancer. Giving people codes to decipher means the message is extremely unclear. Also, this meme does not encourage people to donate to any charities. This event is supposed to take place on Sunday. 

I ask you, my Internet friends, to not engage in this. It does not help the cause in any way. Rather, on Sunday, if you really do care about breast cancer awareness and research, post this link on your social networking sites: 

Want to ACTUALLY raise breast cancer awareness? Please donate:

 https://support.bcrfcure.org/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=14

Sorry to be so forward, but as many of you know, this issue is sacred to me. 

Springtime! Blossoming Bosoms Abound!

My final surgery was undertaken on Wednesday. In addition to replacing the expander in my right breast with a permanent silicon implant, the surgeon also had the task of giving me the gift of cleavage.  I never had much had much of a cleft chest with my original set, and the chest expander robbed me of what little I had. Indeed, my breasts looked as if they were parted by Moses.  They didn’t look horrible or anything, they just didn’t look like they got along very well, as if they were opposing magnetic forces.

My new toys are still in their original packaging, but I can already feel that they are becoming very close friends.  This leads me to the ultimate question: what are some practical uses for new cleavage?  I’ve decided to compile this list of 30 uses so that everyone who is endowed with mountainous peaks can put their plunging valleys to good use.

Uses for Cleavage

1. Cup holder
2. Key rack
3. Hidden storage of valuables (money clip, cell phone)
4. Display case for action figures
5. Miniature flag holder on the fourth of July
6. Derringer holster, and along those lines...
7. Clip holder
8. Knife holster
9. Pen cup
10. MP3 player holder
11. Sunglasses case
12. Pez Dispenser
13. Hiding place for a Horcrux
14. Ad space
15. Snak Pak storage
16. Lipstick applicator
17. Tissue Box
18. Martini shaker holder (shaken by dancing to Juvenile)
19. Beer-Bong Tube stabilizer (while doing a handstand)
20. Hiding spot for Easter eggs
21. Mistletoe holder
22. Jump drive protector
23. Flower vase
24. Push Pop purveyor
25. Beer can crusher
26. Popsicle holder
27. Cookie jar
28. Holder for hands-free tooth brushing
29. Audio bug for espionage (ala True Lies)
30. Man attractor