Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Phone Conversation between Two CERN Scientists

Scientist 1 (at CERN): Commencing neutrino beam in three...two...

Scientist 2 (at Gran Sasso): Uh, Sven, do you know how to do a fucking countdown? You obviously already pressed the button too early, you ignoramus.

S1: What? No I didn't! I haven't pressed the button yet!  And don't call me an ignoramus, Antonio.

S2: You sure you haven't pressed the button yet? Look at it to make sure you didn't drop some of your country's tasteless chocolate on it.

S1: Button’s clean, fascist. You sure your greasy, fat ass wasn't too busy eating lasagna when you were supposed to be archiving the results from the previous test? By the way I just pressed the button, Mussolini.

S2: I archived those results last night, you Aryan douchenozzle. Oh, now the neutrinos have stopped.

S1: Ok let's try this shit again, but first let's text each other pictures of our consoles just so we both know they are clean.

S1: Agreed.

S2: Ok sent.

S1: Same.

S2: Received.

S1: Same. Ok let's try this again. Commencing neutrino beam in three...two...

S2: Ok seriously, Sven, your head must have as many holes as your disgusting national cheese. You pressed the button too goddamned early again.

S1: ...one.  Are you fucking with me? I pressed the button right when I said one. Besides, no one can trust a whop's sense of timing.

S2: Suck it, commie. Is there anyone at that broke dick lab that can confirm your countdown?

S1: YES! Clause can. You know how punctual those German assholes are.

S2: Then put that Gestapo on the line.

S3: I confirm that Sven's countdown was accurate.

S2: Really?

S3: Affirmative.

S1: Now can your greasy fingers send me another pic of your console to confirm the results?

S2: Already sent.

S1: And received. Huh.

S2: Yeah I'm stumped too.

S1: Do you think it's possible that...

S2: I know what you're thinking.  Let's not be hasty. Let's run the test one more time.

S1: Agreed. Ok commencing neutrino beam in 3...2...

S2:  Neutrinos received!


S2: Is it possible these neutrinos are coming faster than the speed of light?

S1: Funny, your wife said the same thing about your dick last night.

S2: What?

S1: Nothing. Anyway, these neutrinos just might be traveling faster than the speed of light. That would be amazing!

S2: Yeah, but we should ask some of our buddies to check our results. But man, if this is true, you know what that means?

S1: That time travel is possible. And if time travel is possible we could...

S2: Prevent America from being colonized?

S1: Yes. Fuck Americans.

S2: Yeah seriously, fuck those guys.

No comments: