Possible Secondary Tragedies

It hasn't been the best week, to say the least. I'm not going to get supergushy on this blog and unload about my sympathy for the VT victim's families, which is in abundance. I will say that my brother (a senior at VT) is fine. As much as my heart swells with sympathy for others, it is equally filled with gratitude for my brother's wellbeing.

But that is not what this blog entry is about. The one thing that has hit a bad note with me has been the constant mention of Asian-American people, specifically Koreans, fearing backlash because the perpetrator was Korean. I can't be help that no one would have ever thought to attack Asian-Americans had the media not called specific attention to the perpetrator's race. During the Columbine Massacre, I don't believe Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's races were ever in the spotlight. Neither were their sexes, eye/hair colors, religions, or sexual orientations. No media corporation reported "White Males Fearing Backlash."

These incidents are completely separate from race. All races are capable of extreme acts of hate.

Finally, let us not forget the victims. Let us not forget Mary Read, the half-Korean "fun-loving 19-year-old" from Annandale, VA, or Henry Lee, the Chinese-American computer engineering student. If one were to attack Asian-Americans because of the perpetrator’s race, they would be attacking the Mary Read’s and Henry Lee’s families. If one were to blindly lash out at Asian-Americans because of this tragedy, they would do nothing more then dishonor the victim's memories, and add a bigger load to their families' already unbearable burden.

Awesomeness

The Onion has started distributing paper isues at metro stations in DC. It's about loving time. I've been driving to work in the past couple days. Driving is convenient, but it is more costly and it doesn't get me any exercise. Now that The Onion is now at my metro station, I now have more incentive to ride my bike to the blue line in the morning.

I really shouldn't be so excited about this.

The Perfect Movies List

This list could also be called "The Best Movies You've Never Seen" as all of them were probably considered box office bombs. But there are hundreds of "Best Movies That Did Shitty Opening Weekend" lists. There are very few "Perfect Movie" lists.

What do I mean by "Perfect Movies" you ask? Well, I mean several things. A perfect movie fully satisfies all the desires that lie buried within the human psyche. They execute situations of love, action, suspense, hate, and melancholy with flawless precision, animated wit, and supreme genuineness.

Watching a perfect movie is a sublime encounter. You feel like a better person for partaking in a perfect movie. The movie adds to your bank of experience. It gives more than it could possibly take. The time spent watching a perfect movie is productive time. Just by watching a perfect movie, you feel like you've molded the movie around your own personality. You leave the experience and step back, much like an artist stepping back from a canvas to reflect on her work. The perfect movie becomes your own art.

Here is my short list. There are definetly more than what is on this list.



1) Wonder Boys- Sometimes it is difficult to distill the essence of a movie, because it lives in the mind. Not really, that previous sentence was a quote from the film. This movie is about a writer, Grady Tripp, who is suffering from the opposite of writer's block. Though he has no problem getting words on to the page, his anti-writer's block is just as imposing. His neverending opus is impedeing on his success as a writer, being that it is preventing him from publishing his followup novel. During the course of a weekend, his wife leaves him, his editor shows up asking about the book, his on-the-side girlfriend drops a metaphorical bomb on him, and in the meantime, one of his troubled students has been following him on this wild ride of a weekend. It's sentimental and witty without sapiness or self-indulgence. The movie is about self-discovery, love, lust, drugs, passion, drugs, alcohol, writing, booze, pills, and dead dogs. What more could anyone want?


2) Joe Versus The Volcano- Not many people seem to like this film. But I have a theory about this. You know how sometimes you will have very fond memories of a certain movie or tv show, and when you revisited it later in life, you realized how stupid it really was? I think the opposite is going on here. This movie came out when most of my contemporaries were in grade school, so a lot of the complexities of this detailed cinematic manifesto may have been lost on them. The same thing happened to me when I saw The Big Lebowski the first time. I thought it was stupid, raunchy and juvenile. Now it is one of my favorite films. This movie is more literary than it appears upon first glance. There are several underlying themes and subtle nuances that weave this story into an amazingly epic tapestry of a film. If you ever rent this movie, plan this fun little drinking game:
Take a drink everytime you see the "lightning" symbol. You will find yourself more than tipsy by the end of the film. Bonus drinking if you hear a reference to the symbol.

3) Donnie Darko- Everyone should have seen this movie by now. If you haven't, crawl out from under your rock and Netflix it.











4) The Big Lebowski- See above. I have only one thing to say about this film. A lot of people have said that this is a purely masculine film. Anyone who says that has clearly overlooked the hard feminity of the female lead, Maude Lebowski. She is womanly but strong. A perfect ideal of a woman.

My extremely intensive and extensive review of 300

It was HOT. The extremely well built men were 3/4 nakey the whole time! The story telling was lame, the effects were good. But the men were HOTTTTTTTTTTT!

Lots of gory violence as well. It had as many beheading scenes as Sin City had castration scenes.

It was all around delicious.

New Apartment

I have finally moved into my new apartment. Not only that, I've almost settled in. Just a few things remain:

-I need to get and rf modulator for my tv
-I need to get cable Internet

For a solid week I did not have a tv, so I relied heavily on radio, dvds on my laptop, and books to keep my sanity.

Right now I'm sitting in a trendy coffee shop just a block away from my new place. This place has free Wi-Fi, which is awesome, being that I have no Internet at home.

So far everything has been great at my new place. It's quiet, clean and in a good location. It has a gym, bike room and laundry on site.

I will post pictures once I take them and then find a stable Internet connection.

On Friday I will be picking up a bike from my mom's house, then, weather permitting, I will explore the town.

Another "Best Of Expulsion" Article

Expulsion Exclusive!: Bush’s
Rough Draft of RNC Speech

Thanks to the heroic efforts of Expulsion’s own team of undercover spies, we have obtained a rare first draft of George W. Bush’s Speech at the Republican National Convention. Many thanks to those who lost their lives for this historic document.


My Speech for the Republikaan Nashunal Convenshun

My name is George Dubl U Bush. My mommy
sayz I should run for Prezadent agin. She sayz
I.m the coolest boy in the Whit Horse. I wuld
make a good prezadent agin cause I gave lots
of monies to all my friends. If I am eleckted
prezadent agin, I will give more monies to my
friends. If I am prezadent I will not alow homor
homer homosech Gaywads to get married. My
friend, Mr. Cheney, sayz I should get reeelekted
cause Mr. John Kerry is an fword-ing butthole. Mr.
Cheney also say that Mr. Kerry is a small cat. He
uses another word for small cat, but mommy
sayz that I shouldn.t say it. I think Mr. Kerry.s nose
loks like a giant peepee, and his cheeks look like
droopy balls.
I like playing war a lot. We should get into
more wars with the terororists. Terororists are
scary brown men with Weapons of Mass
Destrukshun. Did I say Weapons? I mean Programs
for WMDs. Did I say programs? I mean
plans for programs of WMDs. Besides, a terororist
with a slingshot is still a terororist, and I say we
should see their slingshots with rocket launchers. I like rocket launchers.
I also like horses and frogs and I hate it when Mommy and Daddy fight.
But I also like starting fights with the smelly brown people. It makes me
feel big, like He-Man. When I grow up I want to be He-man, or possibly a
CHoo-Choo train. When I am a choo-choo train, I will drive all the way to
the middle east and run over osama bin laden. Then I will take his snack
pack money.
I think i will make a great prezadent because i am good speaker
and i like blowing things up. Prezadents have to like blowing things up,
cause that is their job. If you make me prezadent, I will make sure that
tatter tots are served every friday, and that their will be a bigger hot
tub in every millionaire's bathroom. Thank you.

Memories

I've decided to post some of the articles that I wrote as Humor Editor for Expulsion, GMU's only independent newspaper, for two reasons: 1) I don't have time to write a full entry, and 2) the Expulsion website will probably close down, so I want to post them here so I have access to them.

So the next couple entries will probably just be my Expulsion greatest hits.

This article was published in October 2005, in a special bizarro world edition of Expulsion:

Bruce Campbell Wins His 12th Academy Award


This year’s Academy Awards had moments of grandeur, surprise and awe. The red carpet was a sea of glitter, glam and breathtaking beauty. However, none of us were stunned when Bruce Campbell walked away with three academy awards, making a grand total of twelve Oscars within the past ten years. With grace and charm that can rival no other, Campbell was able to thank all 43 members of his family, 37 of his closest friends, and give three shout outs to Buddha, Jesus, and some guy named Bob in all three of his acceptance speeches.

Bruce Campbell’s career started with a major bang when he starred in the international blockbusters Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness. His role as Ash in all three of these movies earned him three separate best actor nominations and two wins. Several Hollywood elitists agree that Campbell was robbed of the Oscar for Army of Darkness, and most say it was because the movie hinted at some sort of massive monarchial conspiracy to end capitalism.

Campbell went on to conquer Hollywood for the next eight years, snagging at least one Oscar every year. After the Evil Dead films, his next project entitled “Zombies Ate My Brain” snagged him another leading role Oscar. The year following he nabbed another leading role Oscar for his portrayal of Harvey P. Knockers in the internationally acclaimed epic “When Harvey met Some Zombies.”

With all this Oscar action, Campbell still has not met the record for most Academy Awards won by one person, a record which is still held by the late Walt Disney at 487. However, Campbell broke the record this year for most Best Actor Oscars received by a single man. During the 78th Academy Awards, Campbell nabbed two Oscars for starring and directing his tour-de-force “Leaves of Grass: A Zombie Killer’s Tale.” Additionally, he also nabbed a best actor award for his portrayal of Johnny, the deaf, blind and mildly autistic hero in “Zombies Attack Johnny: the Deaf, Blind and Mildly Autistic Hero.”

“This is so unexpected,” said Campbell as he accepted his last award of the evening. “I only prepared two speeches. Well I guess I will have to thank Sam Raimi’s money, Sam Raimi’s popularity, and last, but not least, God.”

Smorgasbord

Way too much has been going on.

I look at my life as a long list of to-dos. Some of the to-dos are really banal, like filing taxes. Some are more exciting, like planning for trips. My next trip is going to be to New York City on President's Day Weekend. It will be a trip on behalf of my cousin's 16th birthday. We will go shopping, walk around Central Park, go to the museums, and, as a special gift, I got us tickets to this:

















On Broadway, no less. I got the tickets for amazingly cheap. It is a matinee, though.

My next big trip will be Puerto Rico in August. Eventually I will go somewhere less commonplace, like the Galapagos Islands. Perhaps hiking in New Zealand. Anything is possible.

Pan's Labyrinth

I went to this movie expecting a slightly dark fantasy flick. You know, like The Neverending Story meets The Dark Crystal. What I got was Irreversible. I have seen snuff films with less violence.

The movie takes place in 1944 in fascist Spain. The movie's main character, an imaginative little girl named Ofelia, is the step-daughter of a very cruel army captain. The movie starts with Ofelia and her pregnant mother moving onto the Captain's post, which is located in a dreamy, unnamed, deciduous forest in the Spanish countryside. While wandering in the forest, Ofelia encounters a fairy, who leads her into a fantastic world of faun's, ogres, and secrets. In between Ofelia's encounters with the fantasy world (which are surprisingly few and far between) her mother is falling ill, and her mercilessly cruel stepfather is trying to quash the guerrilla warfare in the countryside by using the most brutal of practices.

I walked out of the theatre thinking I had just seen one and half movies. The stepfather gets more screen-time than the main character, and almost all of his scenes involve intense violence. This movie focused more on the harshness of warfare rather than cherishing of wonderment. I felt like I saw a whole war movie, than half of a dark fantasy movie.

I guess the key to enjoying this movie is knowing what to expect. It is well written, directed, and had excellent acting. However, it is more of a war movie than a fantasy film. It is not, repeat NOT, a film for kids. In fact, anyone, at any age, who has a weak stomach should stay away from this film. But if you like good film-making, and you don't cringe at violence not unlike the worst scenes from Saw, then knock yourself out. Oh, and surprisingly, most people where unaware that the movie foreign, so it has subtitles. Now you know.

Happy n00b Year

One of my promises to myself is to keep up with my writing. That means actually paying attention to this thing. It’s 5 P.M. on New Year’s Day, and I’m still in my pjs. I’ve spent most of the day watching the DVDs that I got for Christmas. The holidays were great, as usual. Here some of the stuff I hauled in:

This was one of my family's favorite shows. It appealed to everyone in our family.

Josh got this for me. I asked for it specifically. I made the most delicious sweet and sour meat balls with it.

Of course.

Another gift from Josh. My old one had a couple different species of mold.

A sappy but hilarious show.

Naturally.

I’ve got about 100 hours of DVD watching to catch up on.

I’m planning on moving in a month and I haven’t even found a place. I’m not that worried though because I know deep down I won’t be homeless.

I saw my best friend Oliver over the weekend. He invited me to this family party at his parents’ house. His sister just had her first baby, and this party was sort of like a big baby unveiling. His sister’s friends brought over their babies as well, and at one point we had a baby pile. It was a little mountain of adorable. Then they all started crying, kind of how neighborhood dogs set each other off. I was then reminded of how quiet (and equally adorable) cats are.

As far as 2006 is concerned, it was a year that evened itself out. The first half of the year wasn’t that great. My best friend left town, I couldn’t find a job, and my current job was getting on my nerves. But then I got a new job, and I’m still in touch with him. I feel like this year is the first year for the rest of my life. Or some such bullshit.

New Job Photos

Hello my fans! I know you have been eagerly awaiting my latest entry regarding my new job. It's going really well, and I wanted to share some photos with you.














This is my office. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Actually, it may be one of the smallest shared offices in the building.



















This is my officemate Aaron. He is hard at work. Just look at those neck muscles bulge!














This is Larkin. She used to have my job, but she got promoted. She's been training me and she's very nice. She also has the nicest computer screen on our floor.














This is the outside of my building. Sometimes a homeless guy will camp out near the entrance. He has an interesting personality quirk: he likes to piss into a clear plastic Starbucks cup, then display it on the sidewalk like it's street art.


















This is the entrance to Washington Harbor, a premiere waterfront venue with excellent restaurants and bars. It's about a 30-second walk from my building. When you are in the harbor, you have a perfect view of the Watergate and the Kennedy Center. I was too lazy to walk all the way down there to snap a photo.















This is the famous C & O Canal. This particular part is about a block from my building, and it's also a popular lunch spot. Sometimes, when I get to work early, I take a nice leisurely morning stroll along the Canal.














This is Georgetown, arguably the best shopping and dining area in DC. It's actually way cooler in real life, this is just a crappy photograph.














This is a restaurant that my cousin's friend supposedly owns. I took this picture for her.



















GO SKINS!!














This is an antique store on M street. I don't know the name of it, I just took a picture because it looked pretty.



















This is Bridge Street Books, a cheap bookstore. A lot of the books on that table are 4 dollars or less.



For those of you who were wondering "Golly, where is Heather going to get her Raspberry Snapple fix?"












THEY SELL IT EVERYWHERE HERE!!


Finally, this is how I feel about my new job:

Nothing But Blue Skies

Just a quick update.

My new job is going great.  I feel like my foot is firmly implanted within the door to my career.

Once I remember to bring a digital camera into the office, I will post pictures of my new digs.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my mother at Sequoia, which is right next to my new office.  I'm so excited!

LIFE!

I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those people that starts a blog, keeps it up for a few months, then abandons it all together.  I ended up doing that with my trivia blog, but I will try not to do it with this one.

My main reason for updating is thus:

I GOT A NEW JOB. 

It's exactly the job I've been looking for and I couldn't be happier.  My next step is to find a moderately-priced apartment in the city.  Then all will be well.

In other news, the doctor has told me I have screwy cholesterol, so I've had to change my diet.  I don't eat much red meat, so my biggest problem is dairy.  I will miss it.  I also have to start exercising more.  However, this won't be as drastic a change as I will have to walk a mile each way between my new job location and the metro.

The day after I took the job offer, I realized just how much of my life had been devoted to finding a new job these past couple months.  I woke up the day after and realized that I could take my shower earlier because I didn't have to spend my allotted 20 minutes on craigslist.  I got home, went to my computer, stared at it realizing I didn't need to spend the evening on washingtonjobs or careerbuilder (I made myself apply for at least one job every day).  I now have much more time to devote to my hobbies.  Eventually I will buy a microphone and complete my New York Interactive essay.

This weekend I will be spending my newly gained free time reading, shopping, cleaning, and musing over my new life ahead of me.

Life

I apologize for the uncreative title, but it actually perfectly sums up the theme of this entry.

I would like to say that I've found a fantastic new job and beautiful new apartment in the city.  Sadly, I have found neither thus far.

A couple weeks ago I went camping with some friends.  It had been the first time I had camped since I was about 9 years old. I like almost everything about camping.  I love the outdoors.   I love sitting around campfires with friends.  However, I cannot handle sleeping with other people.  I mean actually sleeping.  Not only am I a little sensitive to sound, but I also need room to spread out a bit.  I got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

The next day we decided to go for a high-grade hike.  I'm in horrible shape, so I stopped in the middle of it.  I climbed back down and decided to do a lower-grade hike on my own. I'm a bit of a geology nerd, so I decided to look for rocks, or as I like to call them, treasure.  I didn't find anything particularly noteworthy, but the forest was quite beautiful.  I felt very tranquil.

Last Saturday was Josh's birthday, so I took him out to dinner.  We went to P.F. Chang's, which wasn't that good.   The service was nice, however.  Unfortunately, Josh had come down with a sinus infection.  I ended up catching that infection, and I had to take Monday off as a sick day.

Work is having mandatory overtime hours this week, which has put a hindrance on my job search.  To help keep my morale up, I spend most of the day listening to The Ricky Gervais Show Podcast.  In case you don't know who he is,  Ricky Gervais was the star of "The Office" in the original  UK series.  He also co-wrote and co-directed the series with his writing partner, Stephen Merchant, who also appears on the podcast.  Most of the podcast consists of Ricky and Steve brow-beating the lazy-minded Karl Pilkington, the podcast's third member.

 This podcast is fucking hilarious, even if it does cost two dollars an episode.    I especially love it when Stephen Merchant tells his tales about his failings with females.

Finally, to keep myself from getting depressed, I have been writing fiction lately.  I wrote a story based off a writing prompt from a magazine.  The prompt was "A lawyer discovers that his client is guilty of the horrible crime for which he was just found innocent."

Unfortunately, I think the person who wrote this was not fully educated on our legal system.  Attorney-client privilege usually prevents this situation from happening.  Therefore, it was and extra hard story for me to work out.  I may post it later, after I do some thorough editing.

On the Border Off the Mark

Yesterday I had the strangest craving. I desperately craved empanadas, the Spanish pastry. However, this was quite odd as I had never had an empanada before. My coworker had eaten one weeks back, and it smelled delicious. A couple days after, I looked up empanadas on Wikipedia and found out that there are several varieties, most of which sounded tasty.

So fast-forward to yesterday, I'm absolutely famished. The nearest place that served empanadas was On the Border in Tyson's Corner, so we decided to go there. Many of my coworkers disapproved as they had all had bad experiences there. But my craving won out. I sat back and thought of a Mexican version of a samosa, and my mouth watered. I told Josh to meet me at the restaurant.


I should have listened to my coworkers.

The restaurant was really loud, so naturally, they got Josh's order wrong. Unfortunately, the empanadas were subpar. Also, our waiter had the most disturbingly prominent unibrow I'd ever seen. It looked like he had a fake mustache on his forehead. I'm not saying someone's facial appearance really affects performance, but it did affect my meal a bit. I inspected every bite of my black beans for fake mustache fibers.

Book Bash

About a week ago I finally finished American Gods by Neil Gaiman.  It took me the better part of the summer to finish it.  I found it very unimpressive, dreary, and unreactive.  The story is about a man named Shadow who, after being released from prison, gets recruited by a mysterious man named Wednesday for an even more mysterious assignment.  It turns out that Wednesday is involved in an underground network of familiar but forgotten characters: gods.  As it turns out, all the gods that mankind created are real, and they feed on faith.  Naturally, some of them are old and weak.  But Wednesday predicts that a major change is on the way, and he needs Shadow to help set his plan in motion.

I found the main character, Shadow, very hard to identify with due to his unquestioning, therefore dull, personality.  When he sees the fantastic acts that some of these gods perform, he is not overtly impressed or astounded.  In fact, for most of the book his character takes everything at face value.  At one point a woman changes the moon into a coin, and Shadow is no more reactive than if she pulled the coin  it out of her wallet.

Because Shadow's character is so static, the story, the strife, becomes either passionless or non-existent.  I felt like the whole book was told from the perspective of a robot.

Reading Wonder Boys has been a delightful departure from American Gods.  I bought the book about a two years ago after seeing the first half of the movie.  A week after buying it, the new David Sedaris book came out.  Wonder Boys was set aside, until now.  The first time I picked it up I was disengaged, but now I can't put it down.  I am halfway done, and I'm utterly enthralled with it.  Perhaps it is because I miss the University atmosphere.  Perhaps it is because I, like the main character Grady Trip, have also reached a creative crux.  I'm having no trouble identifying with this character.  He has a depth that is vast yet penetrable.  The book is also fucking hilarious.

In short, if I were a big sci-fi fan who didn't care at all about character development, I would have enjoyed American Gods.  I also would have finished it a lot quicker.

But since I do care about character development, I am in love with Wonder Boys.  I'm going through it four times as fast as American Gods.  When I finish, I will rewatch the movie.  To the best of my recollection, the parts I watched were quite good.

Lunch Time

I woke up on Saturday with an intense pain on my left elbow. The skin felt warm and raw, as if I had slept on a patch of sandpaper. I really didn't think much of it. Many cat owners may relate to this: I often wake up with mysterious scratches and my toes feeling raw from over-licking.

I went about my business normally. I showered, dressed and went to the store. As I was loading the groceries into my trunk, my elbow hit the side of the cart. I froze with pain, trying not to scream bloody murder. A little tear formed in the corner of my eye. My inner monologue was talking in elongated vowels. The pain was no longer like a rash. It was very small, localized, atomic bomb explosion of pain.

The pain eventually subsided, and I returned home. I put away the groceries, then I got back in my car and headed towards my aunt's house. I was due to spend the rest of the day with my cousin, Kimberly. We spent a few hours in the mall, then we decided to go see the Illusionist. We arrived at the theatre too late for our intended showing, and the next one wasn't for an hour and a half. We bought tickets to the later showing and decided to spend the remaining time in Barnes and Noble.

At Barnes and Noble, we looked for books to read to pass the time. Kimmy picked a book that was next in a series of books she was reading. It was something like a later teens version of The Babysitters Club. I found the book that I had been working at home, found the page that I had left off last night, and looked for one of the big broken-in chairs that speckled the bookstore. My cousin and I found two empty ones right next to one another. When I sat down my elbow brushed the arm of the chair. The localized erupting pain returned again. My inner monologue was more like a dialogue of two competing words: "SHIIIIIIIIIT" and "FUUUUUCK."

I manage to calm myself, and the pain somewhat subsided again. After an hour we left the bookstore and I decided to investigate what the hell was going on with my elbow. I got in my car and turned on the interior light. I pointed my elbow towards the rear-view mirror. The reflection astounded me. Sitting on the very edge of my elbow was a shiny, massive pimple. The mound was about the length of a dime in diameter. However, the whitehead atop it was rather small. It looked like a giant red boob with a tiny white nipple was growing from my arm.

I searched my car for anything that might dull the pain. I found some Burt's Bees hand salve, and decided that it was my best (and only) route. I spread it on the area, hoping it would not only soothe the redness, but also protect the area from further damage. The rest of the night I nursed my elbow. I mentally constructed a protective bubble around it, avoiding anything that may harm it. It was as if I had lost all use of my left arm. Through all this pain and prevention, I was not prepared for what I would view the next day.

I tried with great diligence to ignore the inflamed tit that was protruding from my arm. Around 7 PM, I couldn't take the pain any longer. I went into the bathroom and aimed my elbow at the mirror yet again. I nearly vomited at what I saw.

While the mound had stayed the same size, the head had grown to thrice its size. What was once a tiny breast now looked more like white-pupiled eyeball spring forth from my flesh. I felt that if I let it stay there any longer, it would start winking at me. It had to die.

I covered the area with a slathering of Neosporin. I then began to put pressure on both sides of the monster. It wouldn't give. After about five minutes or so of pushing I came to a horrid realization. The only way this thing would give would be by needle point.

My boyfriend fetched me a thumbtack, which I sterilized by running under hot water. I very gently felt my way around the area, familiarizing myself with it. I found the central point, aimed the needle and applied the slightest bit of pressure. The zit gave like a balloon filled too much milk. I envisioned Medusa breastfeeding her demon spawn. The pimple gave with no pain and minimal coercion from the needle. I absorbed the lacteous ooze with a Wet Wipe. I again slathered the crater with Neosporin. To help with the swelling, I covered the area in toothpaste and then took an Advil. Finally, I covered the area with a band aid.

Now it is the next day, and I'm grateful to have full motion back in my left arm. I am able to carelessly sit in my armchair and surf the Internet. Never shall I forget the day that my elbow was seized by a ravenous, boil-like mound of evil. If you ever wonder what it feels like, try rubbing your elbow raw with a sander, then casually lie it on a bed of magma-hot nails.

Burpday

This is the video I made for my brother for his 21st birthday. It showcases his many talents.

A New Hobby

Lots and lots of stuff has been going on lately. I have so many loose ends to tie up. Things should calm down once the semester starts and everyone goes back to school.

I will be posting another video soon. I cannot post it now because I do not want certain people to see it until after Saturday. I'm having a big unveiling for it at a party. I think it may be my greatest achievement yet.

Until then, I leave you with this:

Ocean City 2005

When I was uploading the video from my recent vacation, I found a way to make a music video quickly.

So I finally got around to making a music video from last year's vacation video. Here is the result.

You may be wondering about the dance my cousin Brad (or rather, just his hips) is doing throughout the video. It's an imitation of the dancing technique by our other cousin Marco, whose sexuality is in question.