Saturday, May 20, 2006

My Aunt's (and my) Favorite Clothing Catalogue

A few years back I was over at my Aunt's house for dinner. We were making casual conversation, and at some point the discussion of male clothing came up. I believe one of my cousins said, "have you seen the catalogue that mom gets in the mail?"

My aunt rolled her eyes and said, "The kids keep making fun of me cause of this catalogue I like to look at. It's a catalogue for men's clothing, and all the men are goodlooking and wearing nice clothes. So naturally the kids think this catalogue is made for homosexuals."

She then got up from the table and went over to her little mail center, picked up the most recent copy she had seen and handed it to me. "Just look through it. You will like it, all the men are gorgeous. I can't believe they think that it's for gays."

The first thing I see when I open the catalogue is this:

I thought I was hallucinating. It was like my brain had projected onto the page one of the images that automatically comes up when I think of "fruity." I shook my head, realizing the image was real. The catalogue labeled it as the "Ultimate Poet's Shirt." I thought a better label would have been "Ultimate (Butt)Pirate's Shirt." Now, I am friends with several gay people. None of them would wear anything resembling this. This type of clothing is a reserved for a special, effeminate group of males, most of whom are probably gay. But, I was still willing to give the benefit of the doubt. I thought perhaps maybe this might have been a joke, a little nod to the pirate shirt episode of Seinfeld. I continued on.

Ok, well, there was a definite 1980s George Michael theme in the next couple of pages. So what, I thought. Freedom 90 is like one of my favorite songs. Besides, a lot of men dressed like this in the 80s. Maybe this catalogue is just a little behind the times.

Well there's just no explaining these, is there?

But hey, every catalogue has got to diversify. It would be boring without a few risque products.

I mean it's not like any of them are wearing tight fitting women's cloth--

Errrrr....... ummmm........hmm.


I had to concede to my cousins. There was something a little fishy about this catalogue. A bit too much lace, and a bit too much ballsac. Even men who are completely comfortable with their heterosexuality would squirm at this.

Not me, however. Be these men gay or straight, masculine or effeminate, I find it all 100 %


qrswave said...

OMG! ROFL! I love how you chose the best for last!


I think your cousins are right, btw.

KVK said...

I nominate this post for the #1 most funniest contribution to the internet in the history of the universe!!!!